A five-move framework written for everyone, because a real one-to-one requires shared ownership and inclusion.
Margin. Field notes on leadership. One observation, one pattern, one move. Five minutes, every Tuesday, from Rui Bashir.
ruibashir.com
Most of us were taught to ask an open question, then sit in the silence. That’s great advice for the specific room it was written for. But in a different culture, that same silence can feel like disapproval. The person across the table panics, tells you what they think you want to hear, and the manager walks out thinking the meeting was a success.
The 1:1 is the one slot on the calendar where the important but not urgent gets said while it’s still easy to fix. The question is the engine, and the managers who get the most from it ask more than they tell. What carries it across a border is the delivery: a question landing well in one room needs a small adjustment in the next. The fix is not fewer questions. It’s questions built to travel.
Gallup found that managers account for at least 70 percent of the variance in team engagement scores. The 1:1 is where most of that variance is won or lost.
This guide is written for everyone in the room, because the person sitting opposite you is running that meeting too. Every move below has a line for each of you.
The same five moves, every time, so the room knows what to expect. What varies is how you ask.
Do the prep, every time. And the 1:1 lives between the 1:1s: put last time’s concern back on the table, once, and you prove the meeting was real, not theater.
The coaching advice most of us copy is simple: ask the open question, then sit in the silence. It works beautifully in the room it was written for. Somewhere else the same delivery lands differently, and the question that opened one person leaves another one working out what you’d rather hear. Four things move between rooms. Watch them in the person in front of you, because what’s true of a place is never reliably true of the person sitting opposite you.
What you’ll hear. An answer that stays general when you asked something specific.
It might be. Someone who hasn’t decided yet whether candor is safe here. Or someone for whom naming a problem plainly costs more than it would cost you.
Your next move. Take the weight off the person and put it on the work. “If we ran this again, what would you change?” The question is the same size. The exposure isn’t.
What you’ll hear. You ask, and nothing comes back.
It might be. Someone thinking, and what comes back will be worth the wait. Or someone reading your quiet as a verdict. From where you’re sitting those look the same.
Your next move. Say something instead of guessing. “Take your time. I’m interested in how you’re seeing it.” Then wait again. The second silence usually tells you what the first one was.
What you’ll see. You finish, and they wait.
It might be. Respect. For plenty of people, letting the senior person go first is the courteous thing to do.
Your next move. Hand it over out loud. “I’d like your read before I give mine.” Then stop talking. Fill the gap yourself and you’ll get agreement, and you’ll never know whether it was real.
What you’ll notice. The correction you gave didn’t land, or it landed far harder than you meant.
It might be. The setting more than the words. Being corrected in front of other people carries a different price for different people, and the price rarely shows on anyone’s face.
Your next move. Give the hard part one to one, and give the credit where everyone can hear it. When you’re unsure, ask them how they’d like to receive it. Most people have never been asked, and they’ll tell you.
The question stays open, the delivery adapts to the room. That’s a one-to-one that travels.
The 1:1 is where truth arrives on time. Run the same five moves every week, and bend the question to the person in the chair.
| If you run it | If you’re in the chair | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| S | Set the room | Prep, privacy, reread last time. Know their goals, not just their tasks. | Bring one real thing, not a status list. |
| H | Human first | Open on the person. Listen past comfort. | Answer honestly. Set how much truth the meeting can hold. |
| I | Invite | Ask open questions you don’t own the answer to. Don’t rescue. | Take the invitation. Think out loud. |
| F | Fit the culture | Dial directness, silence, who speaks first, where feedback lands. | Tell them how you work best. Don’t wait to be read. |
| T | Track | Agree who owns what, by when. They hold the pen. | Write it, send it. Expect it back next time. |
The meeting starts before the meeting, and the 1:1 lives between the 1:1s. Put last time’s concern back on the table once, and you prove the meeting was real.